What Hurts The Most
by In Darkness Is Light
Summary: A songifc about Tai's feelings for Sora to What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts.


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

Tai Kaimya sat on his sofa staring out at the rain. He didn't like the rain, but he could stand it. Unlike some things.

For one, Tai couldn't stand thoughts. He absolutely hated thinking and the thoughts produced. The only thing he possible hated more than thoughts was not being able to express them.

And right now, he was looking at the rain, while hating his thoughts and how he couldn't express them. He couldn't express how happy it made him to see her, or how much he loved her, but the worst was that he couldn't express how much pain he was in now that she was gone.

She wasn't dead or anything and it's not like they weren't friends (to some extent). He had simply loved her and she had simply loved someone else. His best friend, Mat.

**Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me **

He felt his cheeks chill and reached up to touch them. They were damp but he was confused as to why. It wasn't until later he realized he was crying which for him was ok, because crying was another thing he didn't mind much. Just then the doorbell rang. 'Must be Kari' Tai thought. He walked to the door and opened it. There in front of the door, soaking wet, stood TK and Kari.

"Hi Tai!" she greeted cheerfully. "Sorry, I forgot my keys so that's why I knocked." She stopped to look at him. He looked like he'd been crying. "Are you ok Tai?"

"Yeah Kari, I'm fine" Tai lied with a smile. "I just saw this great soccer match on TV and it moved me to tears!"

Kari seemed to accept his lie and laughed. "Oh Tai, you're obsessed."

The conversation was interrupted when TK said something. "Hey Kari, where's the bathroom?" he asked uncomfortably.

She rolled her eyes and giggled, "Oh TK, you've been here so many time and still, you can't remember where the bathroom is?"

"Sorry Kari" he said embarrassed.

It was a good thing Kari was so focused on TK, so she didn't see her brother glaring daggers at TK's head. After all, he was Matt's brother and sometimes Tai even saw him to be exactly like Matt. Think about it this way. Tai is like Davis. Sora is Kari. Davis likes Kari just like Tai likes Sora. Enter Matt and TK. Sora and Kari like them better and the goggle-boys have to suffer.

Yeah, Tai thought TK was a good kid who would never hurt Kari and he liked the idea of TK going out with her much more than Davis going out with her but that didn't stop him from seeing TK as Matt.

The day continued on in this manner, TK and Kari hanging out together and Tai pretending he was fine.

Then came the night time. Oh, how Tai hated the night but in a way it was his sanctuary. He hated it because he was an insomniac and half the night he'd be up thinking about Sora but he liked it because it was the one time of the day he didn't have to pretend. He could think of any thoughts and wouldn't have to feel guilty or he could cry and no one would care. And that's just what happened; the thoughts began.

****

What hurts the most  
Was being so close 

He remembered how, when he was younger, he and Sora were best friends. He remembered how he had helped her practice for her soccer tournament and was there when she cried because her mom wouldn't let her play in it. He remembered the time he threw up in her hat and didn't tell her about it until after she put it on. He had stayed after the party and washed her hat, hair, and helped her mom clean up the "after-party mess".

He remembered how he was going to ask her out at Matt's concert.

**  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away **

He wanted to tell her but she wanted to tell Matt the same thing. At that time, yes, he was sad that she liked Matt more than him, but he wanted her to be happy, even if that meant that she was with Matt.

He remembered her walking away from him.

And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

He wondered how she could have been so blind. Why couldn't she see he loved her? Loved her more than anything.

'Oh well, I guess we'll never know what could have been' Tai thought, before falling asleep.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken 

He was in pain. He didn't know what to do. The digi-destined had invited him for a get together at a local café. It had been a while since all of them had been together and it would probably be the last time for a long time.

Tai decided he would go. He got up, got dressed and headed out. He knew that Kari and TK had already left earlier.

It was around 9:30 AM when he left the apartment. Walking past the buildings in the neighbourhood, he found that each one reminded him of a memory or a moment he had had with Sora.

There wasn't a day in his life when he didn't feel regret for not having stopped her before she went to Matt, for not telling her how he felt, for not making it clear to her that he would make her happier than Matt ever would. But this was something he had to deal with on his own now. He figured he could have told Kari, but he was sure that she would tell TK who would tell Matt, who'd come to Tai's house and attempt to beat the daylights out of him.

Tai sighed. He didn't mind being this alone. In fact, at this time, it was probably better if he was alone. But he wouldn't mind being able to tell someone either. He knew though that no one would understand what he was going through and that the only person who would was the same person who caused the pain: Sora.

It took Tai thirty minutes to reach the small café and when he did, he almost felt like running away. But he didn't. He just walked straight ahead, wearing the imfamous smile that was only his and fooling everyone with it. He always thought that this was the hardest thing he'd ever have to do. Fake a smile so well that people actually believed it.

But he was strong, he knew that much. Most people would have killed themselves by now, but not Tai. He was stronger than that, better than that and he knew that one day, if he kept his faith, he'd find someone he loved, maybe even more than Sora. That thought alone kept him alive every day of his life.

**  
What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been   
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do **

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing   
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do  
Ooohhh...

And quite possibly, that was what hurt the most.


End file.
